I think Jack Black is at my Starbucks

Yes, Jean, there is a blogger here.

It seems odd that I haven't blogged since June. A mix of things are swimming around in the brain this morning. Short list of less pressing items:

-Pregnancy going okay. I have more energy now that I'm out of the first trimester. Not near as sick as I was with Eleanor. We're having a boy, due May 12. We are happy and excited! Kids are fun and exhausting and gross and hilarious all at once. My regular pants don't fit, yet my maternity clothes are still too big. Leggings are my best friends.

-My nephew or niece will be born to Scott & Meggan in January! We're so happy for them and are ready to meet this new member of our family. Miss Hope is growing so fast and Will & Alana are doing great. Tori & Xan are such big girls--it's hard to believe Tori will be 9 next year.

-I'm seriously pursuing some career goals. I have realized over the last year that I would be a better mom by working. So, I have put some thought in to what I believe to be a good path for me and I'm working toward that goal. I hesitate to go into specifics just yet. The wheels are turning for now and I'm ready.

-I'd still like to have a podcast.

Now to the pressing thought this morning. I enjoy giving music to friends. The first serious mix I did was for Jeremy, when we were dating. Looking back, I see it as an attempt to impress him with my taste and hopefully to introduce him to something new. When I listen to that CD now, I still like it. It's not full of love songs, though there are some on there. It's not all rock. It's not all pop--it's a MIX (duh). Since then, I've done 4 or 5 discs for other friends, and have plans for more in the future. But I have to say that the process absolutely drains me. I try to take into account the recipient's personality and whatever our friendship may be. I try to throw in new things they may not know (a challenge to me, because I do not listen to a lot of "new" music, yet I do know of some things that are a little obscure). Most of all, I want them to say to someone, "Hey, I heard this tune and I thought you'd like it...", a pay-it-forward type of situation. In my estimation that is a very high compliment.

Here's the other side: am I still trying to win approval by not so subtly saying "Hey! Look how cool I am! I'm not a dork! I'm massively awesome! I wear Chuck Taylors! I dislike Justin Bieber! I'm just like Rob Gordon! You can't pin me into any mold!" That is what screams at me sometimes, in the darker recesses of my head. Yet it directly fits the mold of what used to be novelty and is now socially the norm. Like tattoos. Once for rebels, now they have mass appeal and are not really rebellious.

I do support the idea that one ought to like what she/he likes, and do so unashamedly, though I have difficulty applying this to myself. I tell friends all the time to like what you like, and that they don't have to make excuses for it. I'm not sitting around in a fog or anything, waiting for lightening to strike, but as I finish a CD for a friend, this was on my mind today. I'll continue to give music because it's just plain fun.

But I wonder, who am I trying to impress?